“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
~ Mark Twain, novelist and essayist
As Mark Twain can attest, the “generation gap” is nothing new. However, in a world that is changing so fast, it can sometimes feel that the gap is more a gulf. When cultural references, senses of humor, and ways of communicating seem in conflict, it is inevitable that generations within families feel at a loss to understand each other. It can be so hard for the young to picture their parents and grandparents as children or teenagers, let alone what it was like to be a rockabilly or a hippie. For grandparents, modern childhoods spent online, rather than running around the neighborhood or in open fields, seem alien. Trying to impart advice or wisdom can feel thankless when the two experiences are so disparate.
But it isn’t opinion or instruction that cements connection and trust in another person’s words—it is storytelling.
“… people will never forget how you made them feel”
Studies suggest that facts are 22 percent more likely to be remembered if they are part of a story. This is because our brains store and retrieve memories more easily when emotion is attached. Hearing and being moved by a story is an experience that imprints on us, and when faced with circumstances that echo that story, that experience informs our response. Illustrating the way in which emotions play a prominent role in decision-making, a study of lawyers and judges showed that stories told in the courtroom were more persuasive in rulings than the simple facts of the case alone.
Intentional storytelling—to influence your audience’s attitudes, perceptions, or behavior—will have more impact than a straightforward “You should …” or the passing on of factual information. We all need narrative to learn effectively; humans are hardwired for stories.
Not only this, but stories keep traditions, values, and cultural identities alive, forming a quiet backbone for future generations. Shared narratives become part of a family’s heritage. When recalling a story of triumph or failure and growth, it becomes part of your audience’s own, perhaps in much the same subconscious way that your own ancestors’ rags-to-riches tales or notable moments have been part of yours.
Even simple anecdotes can open up perspective and understanding to create those bonds across the generations. A simple yarn of mischief or humor is all it takes to spark that first conversation and open a gateway to more significant storytelling.
Scary stories
Being heard is being seen, and the rewarding human connection that storytelling so often gifts us can come at the price of vulnerability. Looking back on one’s life and reviewing all its ups and downs can be a daunting prospect because it presents much to reflect on and digest. It is often a stumbling block that makes many LifeBook authors hesitant to start.
Research professor Brené Brown wrote, “The root of the word ‘courage’ is cor—the Latin word for ‘heart.’ In one of its earliest forms, the word ‘courage’ meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences—good and bad.”
I will always remember one LifeBook author telling me that writing his book allowed him to feel “freer in [his] mind” than he ever had in his life and that he understood himself better for having done so. It showed me what I had long suspected—that the courageous, vulnerable act of telling stories can provide a wealth of far-reaching benefits to the storyteller as well as their listener.
The act of sharing stories sparks empathy, bonding those who may have little in common, day to day, in the process. Young people often see their parent or grandparent in a new light once they have heard about what they’ve lived through. In turn, older generations find pride and purpose when their experiences are genuinely heard.
In today’s fragmented digital culture, where communication is fast and efficient but rarely deep, finding a slower and more meaningful way to connect matters more than ever before. When surrounded by constant distraction, investing the time to share and listen to personal stories can cut through the noise.
Getting started
There are all sorts of ways to initiate sharing stories with your loved ones and create a space for insightful conversations during family gatherings or special occasions. Visiting a special place together, spending time making a family recipe, listening to evocative music, or sitting down with photo albums or scrapbooks can all provide that spark. When the practice is a two-way exchange, rather than a lecture, it creates fresh memories for both sides to look on fondly.
Around the dinner table, you could invite memories from everyone as an entry point to your own stories by using thought-provoking icebreaker-style conversation starters:
- Fun:
- What was your first ambition?
- Which fictional character did you play when you were a child?
- Who was your celebrity idol growing up?
- What was the first concert/theater show you went to see, and which one was the best?
- Reflective:
- What do you think was the key turning point in your life?
- What is the biggest risk you have ever taken?
- If you had chosen another career path or city to live in, what do you think your life would look like now?
- Quick fire:
- What are your favorite movies/books/artists/vacations/possessions?
- What would your three-course death-row meal be?
- If you could have three genie wishes, what would they be?
Building bridges that last
Stories do more than just entertain; they stitch generations together. As we know from wider history, recording or writing down stories preserves them long after the moment has passed. The same can be true of family histories; wisdom and heritage are more easily lost when these accounts are not preserved on paper to be handed down.
Every family has remarkable stories worth passing on, and shared storytelling is one of the most meaningful ways to stay connected across time. Recording your stories for posterity is a gift to both present and future family members, and your story deserves a tangible medium worthy of your legacy.
Written by Isabella Roberts, LifeBook Memoirs editor
